I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you never un-have a 4some
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
