U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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