IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
