Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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