Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
