I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
