i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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