we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
