If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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