Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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