ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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