I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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