This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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