My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize