You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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