I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
