Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
