the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
