No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
