I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
