Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
