I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
