Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
