My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize