If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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