Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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