I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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