A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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