I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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