I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
