i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
