walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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