dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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