feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
