gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
