Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
