Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
