so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
