i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
