all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
40s are totally the cure
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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