Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
