Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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