Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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