You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
