No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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