Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You are the jesus of drinking
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
