why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
