the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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