Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
