There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
