He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
