I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
