The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
