Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
