I bet he comes in French.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
