wrigley field is MILF paradise
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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