It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize