saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
