two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
