Yo dont text me then not text me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
