i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
