Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
