Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
