Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
